


It should have been her

by Captain_Snowflake



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Endgame, Avengers Family, Character Death, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint and Nat are Besties, Clint is a good friend, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Heartbreak, My First Fanfic, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, One-Sided Love, POV Clint Barton, POV Natasha Romanov, Sad, Soul Stone (Marvel), romanogers - Freeform, somewhat canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-11 00:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18671161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Snowflake/pseuds/Captain_Snowflake
Summary: !!! Avengers Endgame Spoilers!!! Don't read this if you haven't seen the movie!A novelisation of Clint and Nat going to Vormir, and the avengers dealing with the consequences. Natasha is romantically interested in Steve but has always been just a friend to him. Maybe love just wasn't in the stars for these two this time.





	It should have been her

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys,  
> First of all thanks for reading this. This is my first fan fiction and English isn't my native language so i'm kinda nervous about this fic. After Endgame I needed to write some Romanogers. I hope you can all enjoy it though. And with 'enjoy' I mean getting your heart broken all over again after endgame :p.  
> The dialogue is mostly the same as in the movie, but I've only been to the movie once so I couldn't remember all of it. So I've kinda made my own version at some points, and some scenes are extended. I hope you like it!  
> Feedback is appreciated!

* * *

 

The planet of Vormir was grim, dark and strange above all. Natasha felt the air getting thinner as she and Clint were approaching the summit of the mountain. A bad feeling started to creep up inside of her. Something wasn’t right. She always credited herself on having a sixth sense for danger and it was definitely warning her now.

Before they could climb any higher, they reached some sort of passage like a small cave, leading to a cliff. The sound of water dripping was loud because the only other sound in that wretched place were their short breaths. The whole atmosphere of the planet made her nervous, uneasy. Clint felt the same, his irregular breathing pattern made that all too obvious for her. Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted as a deep voice filled the air.

“Welcome, Natasha daughter of Ivan and Clint son of Edith.”

The words were spoken by a black robed creature, floating in the air like a ghost. _Natasha daughter of Ivan_ he had said. Could that really be the name of her father? A man she never knew, buried along with her mother, in a graveyard in Russia, where nobody had bothered to even put their first names on their gravestones. _Mr Romanoff_ and _Ms Romanoff_ was all that was written on them. No first names. No year of death. No cause of death. Only their last names. That was all she could find eight years ago.

She had somewhat expected their demise, but had never lost hope for them to still be alive. That’s why she had allowed herself to break down for just a moment, before falling back into her usual emotionless facade. She had told no one about it, but Steve and Clint. The only two men in her life who she fully trusted.  Indefinitely. Unconditionally.

The black robed ghost flew towards them, revealing a devilish scarred red face. “Who are you? How do you know us?” The unease of the situation was clear in Clint’s voice.

“I was called the Red Skull before the stone banished me here. It’s my curse to know all who journey here.” The figure landed, the shadows of his robe dancing on the ground. The Red Skull had been the leader of Hydra once, something she had learned as early as her days in the Red Room. As a child he was something to look up to, a hero of sorts. Later however, she learned that he wasn’t as hero-like as she had once thought. If SHIELD hadn’t made that clear to her already, Steve’s stories were more than enough to convince her.

“The stone brought you here?” Clint asked. He ignored the revelation that he had been the leader of one of their worst enemy organisations. There were more important things at the moment.  

“Where is it?” Natasha demanded to know, not wanting to waste another minute.

“Soul holds a special place among the infinity stones. It cannot be found. It has to be earned.” The pair stared at him in confusion and after a slight pause he continued. “It demands a sacrifice.”

“Of what?” They asked in unison, both determined to obtain the stone. _Whatever it takes_. That’s what they had all said to one another before this mission had begun. No price was too high to pay. Not for getting everybody back.

“A soul. You have to sacrifice that which you love in order to take the stone. A soul…For a soul.”

She and Clint eyed each other and then she followed his gaze to the cliff several yards in front of them. Pillars stood high on both sides, a path in between. They followed the Red Skull to the end of the cliff. Staring over the edge, they found a pit shrouded with fog. It appeared bottomless because of it. Unnerving. Final in some way.

“Oh” The sound escaped Clint’s mouth while he stared into the abyss. One glance at him was all it took for Natasha to realize that he too knew what needed to be done. _Whatever it takes_.

The two avengers walked further away from the edge to discuss the situation. “I doubt that he’s telling the truth. This could all be some trap. We can’t trust him. There’s nothing too low for a Hydra agent.” Clint’s words were rational, wise perhaps. Though Natasha just knew that this wasn’t – couldn’t be a trap.

She shook her head. “As much as I want it to be false,” she sighed. “I think he’s telling the truth.”

“Why? Because he knows your daddy’s name?” Something in his tone suggested that he thought she was naive for trusting the Red Skull.

“I didn’t know my father’s name,” she admitted. A mix of sadness and joy filled here at finally learning her father’s name. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder, which she grabbed tight with her own hand. They were in this together. For now at least.

“But think about it,” she began after he took his hand off her shoulder “Nebula told us Thanos came here with his daughter, but he returned without her. Why do you think that is?” Even if that somehow wouldn’t have convinced Clint, it definitely was enough to convince herself of the fact that she was right.

He sighed, defeated at her words. Tears springing into his eyes. “I fear you’re right.” At the sight of the utter loss on her best friend’s face, she felt tears appearing in her eyes as well. She reached out for his hand, which he took without a second thought.

After a short moment he opened his mouth again. “I think we both realize who it’s gotta be.” She nodded. Clint had his family, they would need him once they came back. She’d got red in her ledger. Sacrificing her was the right thing to do. He observed her carefully before he spoke. “Why do I feel like we’re not talking about the same person?”

“Clint, listen to me.” Natasha paused until he looked her in her eyes. “Once this is all over you’ll have your family back. They need you.”

“What about your family then?” he countered. Before she could even try to interject he continued. “I’m not talking about your blood relatives, Nat. No. Your real family, the Avengers. They _are_ your family. You said so yourself.”

“They don’t love me. You know that. Not like your family loves you.” She stared in the sadness of his glassy eyes. “Nobody loves me,” she added, barely a whisper.

They were her family, he wasn’t wrong about that. She had always tried to keep them together, whatever it took. The accords broke them apart. Though she gained a small new family while they were on the run from the government. Her, Wanda, Sam and Steve. They became closer than ever. Like a tight-knit family, until the decimation. Now they had a chance to wind it all back, and there was no goddamn way she was gonna let Clint’s family live without him.

“I do,” he said sincerely. Clint considered her a part of his family, _auntie Nat_. It would be tough for the children to lose her. _But not as tough as losing a father_ she had to remind herself.

“Clint, that’s diffe– ” she tried to reason with him.

“Steve does,” he interrupted her. Well that was a _ridiculous_ statement. Steve had been stuck in the past for so long, only eyes for Peggy Carter, his long-lost love and all that. The guy had probably not even noticed her affection for him, not even after all she had done for him, after all she had sacrificed just so she could fight beside him. Yet she never faulted him for that, he had more than enough weight to carry already.

“Not like the way I love him.” Clint gave her an apologetic look after her words. Of course he knew what was going on, he knew she loved him. Hold on, _Love?_ Did she actually say that? She was a master assassin, trained to be an emotionless murderer, surely not capable of a feeling like love. _Love is for children_. At least that’s what she’d been taught , that’s what she had always believed. Yet right then in that moment, after all those years, it dawned on her. She _loved_ Steve. “I love him,” she then whispered so softly that she was quite sure even he couldn’t hear it.

He chuckled softly – so he had in fact heard her – and then picked up their argument again. “I killed all those people, Nat. I was so lost in regret, revenge, sorrow, anger. But you, _you_ remained strong. Five years, Nat. Five years and you were the only one keeping the Avengers – no your family, from falling apart. You deserve to live, more than I ever could. What I’ve done is unredeemable. Unforgivable.”

“Everybody deserves a second chance,” she quoted. “You know who taught me that? _You_ did. You did, Clint.” She rested her forehead against his in a last moment of comfort and allowed some tears to fill her eyes. When she pulled back, she held his shoulders firmly in her hands and gave a little squeeze. “Now don’t you dare let me tell your kids that their father isn’t coming back.”

“Nat, you know it’s for the best if I just– ”

“No” she all but shouted. “It’s not. You’re not sacrificing yourself, not for me. You have to let me jump.”

“Not if I beat you to it,” he replied cheekily despite the grim situation they were in.

Before she could counter with logic why he had to live, he was already running to the edge. Using one of her Widow Bites, she managed to stun him, giving her the opportunity of going for the jump herself. As the edge got closer, she felt the adrenaline pulsing through her veins. She was gonna do this. She was ready to jump. And she got to jump, however not in the direction she wanted to, as she had to jump to the right in order to dodge the explosion of one of his arrows which just flew right past her face. The arrow was not even an inch separated from her face. Clint and his stupid way-too-good accuracy.  

While she picked herself up from the ground, he came running right past her. Approaching the edge, he took a final look back at her before he jumped. She jumped after him, grappling hook at the ready. He wasn’t getting rid of her that easily. Her arms closed around him as the hook planted itself firmly into the rocks of the cliff. In a rolling motion – caused by the speed of their fall – she ended up beneath him, holding his hand as he held the rope attached to the hook. His hand was the only thing keeping her from falling to her death and he held it tight around her wrist, refusing to let her go.

It was followed by a small shock, which caused both of them to look up. The hook was getting looser by the moment, the two of them being to heavy for the hook to hold. She stared into his eyes for a final time. They were never going to make it up the cliff again, not together. But Clint would make it, if she were to let go. He knew exactly what she was planning, how could he not after all those years as partners, but he wasn’t having it.

“No, Tasha, don’t,” he warned her with tears clearly visible in her eyes.

“Let me go… It’s okay,” she assured him, her voice all emotional. Everything would be okay, not for her perhaps, but for the world.

“Don’t” He pleaded once again, whilst securing his grip on her wrist.  

They felt another shock, she had to go. _Whatever it takes._ “Let me go,” she begged though she didn’t wait for him to actually do it. She took matters into her own hands, by pushing her feet onto the rocks and jumping. Her wrist slipped from his hand and she fell.

Her sacrifice was going to be worth it, all of it. What was her life – a life of someone who had done so much wrong in her life – compared to all the lives she could safe? She had faith in her friends, in her family, to pull this off. It was going to work, it had to. They would all be back. Laura, Cooper, Lila and little Nathaniel. Sam. Wanda. Bucky – or James as she had once known him. T’Challa and his younger sister.  

All of her family would be complete again. Happy again. Clint could live out the rest of his live with his family on a quite farm. Tony and Thor would finally move on from the incredible guilt they felt and the former could be the father he always wanted to be in a happy world. Bruce would rejoice in seeing all of his friends cheered up again. And Steve. Steve who had lost so much, would finally get a little happiness in his life after all the things he had to go through. He deserved as much. She wouldn’t be there for him. _See you in a minute_ would turn into forever. However, Bucky, Sam and Wanda, all of them were so close with him. Having them back would make such a difference for him. Even if that meant she wouldn’t be there.

Her sacrifice would save the world. Her life would save his. He would trust her to do it, that’s what he had promised her all those years ago. That thought alone would be enough for her to find some form of peace. But for the first time in so long she didn’t worry about the red in her ledger. Instead she could be proud of herself, of what she had done. Her guilt cleansed away as she hit the ground. A feeling of peace, joy and true happiness surrounded her. The red was finally gone.

 

* * *

 

Clint woke up in shallow water under a beautiful orange sky. His hand glowed from below the surface of the water. As he lift it up, he saw an orange glowing stone in his hand. It felt like… It felt like Nat. Tears dripped from his eyes as he took in what had really happened. His best friend had sacrificed herself, for everyone. All because of her stupid ledger. He knew he had to be happy because they could return everybody but at the moment he just couldn’t. Were they worth all of this? He knew they were, but he wasn’t ready to accept it.

He activated his time travel device and entered the quantum realm. Moments later they all arrived back in their time, at the exact spots they left off. Everyone’s initial joyful expressions swiftly faded when they saw the empty spot between him and Steve.

He looked at everybody’s now sorrowful expressions until Bruce asked the question they were all dying to ask. “Where’s Nat?”

Clint had to swallow. He felt the tears run over his cheeks as he began to speak. “She sacrificed herself for the stupid stone.” His words came out in a mixture of anger and grief, and they were harsh. But he couldn’t care less, she was gone. That was all there was to it. Nothing could change it.

They remembered her moments later at the lake outside. Clint had fetched a picture of her and they had a very personal small remembrance of her. He couldn’t bring her body back so they couldn’t bury her or burn her or do anything proper. This remembrance wasn’t nearly enough, not for her, but it would have to do. Bringing everybody back could wait.

He looked around. Tony looked displeased, Thor confused. Bruce was furious. That was his way of dealing with things. Turning grief into anger. Steve was in tears and deadly silent. To Clint that meant that he genuinely cared. Very much. Steve mourned her as a best friend would. Perhaps as a lover would.

Bruce threw a chair into the lake in anger, but no one seemed to care. Thor eyed their green friend and spoke up. “Can’t we just bring her back?”

“No,” Clint simply said. His voice sounded raw from sorrow.

“But we have all the stones,” Thor argued. “We saw someone erase half of the universe’s population by just snapping his fingers. We traveled through bloody time. How is bringing her back not possible?”

“Well that’s what he said!” Clint spat out angrily “He said it was a one-way exchange! You all didn’t see how she died, the way her dead body was lying on the bottom of that fucking planet! We can’t get her back.” The tears rolled down his face again and he finally calmed down a little bit. “There’s nothing any of us can do,” he sobbed after a little while.

The tense ambiance faded a bit. “Did she have a family?” Tony asked after a few moments of silence. Clint couldn’t believe that Tony truly knew so little about her. Then again Natasha had never been very open. She always talked about the things that mattered at that moment, never about herself. He had managed to get her to open up, Steve had too. Maybe Bruce saw a glimpse of her as well, during the time of Ultron.

“Yeah, _us_ ,” replied Steve, opening his mouth for the first time since they arrived back in time.  

“Then we’ll have to remember her. Let her sacrifice be worth it,” Tony said.

“We will,” Steve said more determined than one could possibly sound with tears still in their eyes.

 

 

“I just wish she knew we won,” Clint said to the brunette standing next to him. They stared at the lake when he interrupted the comfortable silence. His eyes got a little glassy as he thought about Natasha again. They had done it. They had won, because of her.

“She knows,” Wanda said without a trace of doubt in her voice. Clint could only hope so. She deserved that, so… _so_ much. “They both do,” she added after a moment. The poor girl had lost way too much, first her parents, than her brother, her freedom for a time and finally Vision – who she truly loved. Clint had never lost contact with Wanda, he couldn’t help but be some sort of father to her. A father she never had. He gave her an apologetic smile, which she returned.

Then Steve came up to them and took her hand. He had been a father of sorts for her too. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she said sensing they needed that. Well she probably didn’t necessarily sense it – more like she read their minds. She gave both of them a hug and left to join Bucky and Sam. Both of whom she had grown very close to.

After staring silently over the lake for what felt like forever Clint opened his mouth. “She loved you, you know.”

Steve sighed. “I know,” he said with a touch of sadness in his voice. “I hope she’s happy up there,” he said looking up to the sky. The words watered his eyes, and Clint’s too.

Clint carefully observed the man standing next to him and for a time he thought that maybe, just maybe, he loved her too. However, that all changed when Steve went on his mission to return the stones a few days later and came back as an old married man. Apparently he had lived the rest of his live in the past, with an old flame of his. A woman long dead in their time. Clint couldn’t muster up the courage to feel happy for him. There was only one thought on his mind.

It should’ve been _her_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, that was it. Apologies if this broke your heart. Let me know what you guys think!  
> (Btw, the bit about Nat’s parents is based on a deleted scene from Civil War, in which she tells Steve she went to find her parents and found two little gravestones. You should definitely watch it if you haven’t already! Espcially if you are a Romanoger shipper :D ! )


End file.
